My youngest daughter, at 3 years old, used to tell me, “I do it my own self!” She was independent, determined, and strong-willed – both at 3 and still today. As her mother, back then, I resisted her need for such independence. It was easier for all involved if I could help her do it MY way.
Today, I ENVY the independence of that little 3-year-old!
Why can’t I be the very same way? Why can’t you? After thinking about this blog for a week or so, here’s why I think some of you, like me, may not “Do your own thing,” even though you’d love nothing more:
You are afraid.
Afraid … of failure
Failure seems TERRIBLE. Have you ever walked through, in your mind, exactly what that failure would look like? If you “do your own thing” and fail – what does that entail? You start over? You have to say “your sorry?” You have to try again in another way? You have to get a different job? Think it through in your head. If the real result of failure is something you could handle – then failure isn’t something of which to be afraid. It is something with which to deal.
Afraid … of the unknown
Not knowing the future can be terrifying at times. We want assurances before we proceed. We want to make sure the outcome is what we hope it will be before we even start. What if we put in all this effort, and it doesn’t turn out to be what we thought – as great as we thought? If we can’t see around that bend in the road, sometimes, we don’t want to even get in the car for the trip.
Because we didn’t know what was on the other side of the bend, we missed the beautiful scenery, the wind in our hair, and the radio at full blast. We missed the entire trip for one bend in the road.
Sometimes experiencing the unknown is worth it. Just take that first step!
Afraid … of appearances
What will people think? Will they look at you with a smile – all the while thinking how foolish of a choice? Will they pretend to understand; but believe you’re being childish for dreaming?
Sometimes we really do care about appearances. None of us want to look foolish. Maybe we should follow the crowd so we don’t appear crazy. But why? Others are not thinking about us nearly as much as we believe. Their opinions of us are ever-changing and fleeting – no matter what we do.
Building our lives around those fleeting thoughts of others could make for a miserable life.
“Doing your own thing” affects too many other people.
We all have people that depend on us. We all have friends and family that “know” us a certain way. They love us but do so while we live life a certain way. When we change things for which others know and depend upon us, it can threaten the relationships. It can make others feel as if they no longer know us – can no longer depend on us.
So, rather than affect those relationships by changing and “doing our own thing,” we often decide it’s best for everyone (else) to just stay the same. We decide to keep doing what we’ve done so everyone (else) feels safe.
Guess what I found?
Those relationships that are solid and real would NEVER want us to do things just to make THEM feel good.
They want us to accomplish much in this life. They want whatever is best for us. Just as we dream for them as well.
It’s too late.
No matter the age, we often hear those words, “It’s too late.” A 25-year old can say that about getting a high school diploma that was missed in their teens. A 45-year old can say that about starting a new career in a completely different field. A 75-year old can say that about falling in love and getting married for the first time.
We all can say, “It’s too late.” But, why should we? Because we are not starting something according to someone else’s calendar? Because we are choosing to keep learning, keep growing, keep beginning again?
If we say, “It’s too late,” then we are actually saying that the future is pointless. What has already happened is all that WILL happen. As we all know, this thinking is false. The future brings us something new and possible every morning. Whether we choose to BELIEVE it’s possible doesn’t change the fact that each morning the day starts again.
Until we leave this earth…it is NEVER “too late!”
“Do it!” “Do your own thing!” You’re the only one who can!
I “did my own thing” when I started my own business. I now work as an “Experience Specialist” facilitating quality training and workshops and my only regret is that I didn’t start sooner. I love it!
Hope to talk soon!
Stephanie